You Never Told Me Why
A story I presented in my book was shared with me by a good and much younger friend who got pregnant in High School. She was raised in a strong Christian family with bible believing and loving parents. She was regularly in a bible believing Church and consistently taught that sex outside of marriage was wrong.
Today she is married to a good husband (not the one who got her pregnant) raising her children and developing a strong family life. The thing that struck me so profoundly with her story is that she told me that in spite of all she was taught and raised to believe, no one ever told her why a person should not have sex outside of marriage.
I find it interesting that Christian’s are constantly saying do not have sex outside of marriage, but they almost never tell you why. It is not enough in our society to say - because this is what the Bible teaches.
I believe you presented why this morning. I also believe it should be stated even more clearly. Here are a few brief clarifications.
1. It breaks a person’s relationship with Jesus. It breaks a person’s personal holiness and self-isolates us for Jesus.
2. It damages a person’s psychological health. It compartmentalizes our personality, breaks our ability to trust, damages our ability to be intimate with other person, and can create or aggravate long term mental health issues.
3. It damages a person’s ability to bond and to be intimate with other people in the future. It creates a pattern of controlling and using other people for personal pleasure and gain then disposing of them as easily as the daily trash.
4. It damages a person’s ability to bond with a correct mate in the future in marriage. Without full repentance and forgiveness from God along with deep psychological healing you make yourself unworthy and unacceptable to be considered as a mate with a person of true Godly character in the future.
5. It creates bonds which forever tie a person to the past. You never forget the sexual activity of the past and it will invade you mind in the deepest and most personal aspects of your relationships with a spouse in the future.
6. It skips bonding steps which are essential to permanent relationships. When you skip proper bonding steps in a relationship and jump straight to sex you develop a very weak bond with the person which cannot be rectified until the missed bonding steps are properly developed in the relationship. This also causes you to jump straight to sex in new relationships and thereby skip any or all aspects of the bonding process necessary for permanent relationships.
7. It severely damages your ability to seek and to recognize the Godly mate whom Jesus created for you when He introduces you to that person.
8. Broken and illicit relationships always damage more than one person. The leave deep damage and scars in your life, you illicit partners life, your future marriages, and even your children’s lives.
9. You become a sexual predator instead of a sexual protector. You serve your own selfish desires instead of protecting the purity of your partner.
10. Broken trust before marriage severely limits the capacity for trust after marriage. If you are a sexual predator before marriage how do you expect your spouse to trust you not to be a sexual predator after marriage.
I sincerely believe churches and pastors should never preset do not’s without presenting whys!
