This week on Slate, Raquel argues that "Fifty Shades of Grey" is a terrible love story. I have to agree with her. We both felt the same way when we read it—we found Christian's controlling, obsessive behavior so gross and disturbing.It's not just the awkward sex scenes or the constant feeling of being trapped in some BDSM dungeon either, it's how badly Ana relies on her abuser for self-esteem and validation. And I'm telling you right now: this won't end well for her in any way. He'll only hurt her more in time, whether he knows he is or not (and spoiler alert: he does know). I think this fact is lost on many readers when they talk about the series. You don't have to be a romance expert to pick up on Ana's misery in these books, but you do have to have some basic knowledge of relationships. I don't even mean romantic relationships per se, but any kind of deep connection with another human being. A close friendship.As anyone who has ever been the victim of abuse will tell you, an abuser will do whatever it takes to gain complete control over their victim. Even if they care about them, even if they love them, their obsession makes it impossible for them to see anything but how they're hurting the person they love. It's all about making themselves feel better. When Christian digs his claws into Ana so early in the relationship, you wonder why she doesn't just walk away. It's not like he's asking her to marry him right away, but honey, if I had a guy who told me all of this on our first date I would be outta there so fast that his head would spin! It isn't just that Christian is into BDSM that makes him an abuser either—it's the fact that he is also an extreme narcissist. He won't let Ana have any friends, he won't let her go to work, he won't even let her see her mother. He is the only thing in her life. At one point in the book, Ana admits that she feels disgusted with herself for being so weak and giving in to Christian's demands. She is trying so hard not to disappoint him—so hard not to be too much of what he calls "hard work." Ana is constantly apologizing for everything she does or says that might upset Christian. Men like this make women feel too guilty to speak up because they won't even hear them out. That's the worst part of it: He's using his power over her to get what he wants, and she is just trying to be a good girl and meet his needs. And then she feels so ashamed for shaming herself that she doesn't say anything at all. The Sadistic Confession: The Confession of an Abusive Man(article by J.
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