This scientific study was conducted at the MediaStar School's Research Center, and the methodology was developed by Yurii Dudka.
Why Do You Need the Value Matrix?
When two people are talking, it may seem like it’s just a conversation between them, but a deeper look reveals that what’s really happening is the interaction of their "value matrices." These are mental frameworks that shape how we see and interact with the world.
When the value matrices align, communication is smooth. But if they don’t, understanding becomes difficult, and no amount of effort can make agreement happen. If the conversation touches on sensitive values, conflicts can arise, leading to frustration or even hostility. It’s not necessarily that your conversation partner is difficult; their value matrix simply doesn’t match yours. And this is more common than we realize.
This article aims to break down how our value matrices form:
How much of them is shaped by our upbringing, society, media, and politics?
How do these matrices influence our perception and interactions with others?
Why can values be both a source of motivation and conflict?
Can we change our value matrix or build a new one? Can we repair broken relationships, or is it easier to change our environment or social circle?
By the end of this article, you’ll have a clearer understanding of how values impact relationships and how this framework can help create meaningful projects and positive change. This is based on decades of experience, and I hope it helps you navigate complex communication challenges.
This framework is useful for everyone—whether you're a professional negotiator, a media person, an entrepreneur, or just someone looking to improve your communication with those around you. After all, conversations are the foundation of life, and understanding the value matrix can improve how we connect with others and ourselves.
What Is Value Understanding?
The first step in working with the Value Matrix is understanding. We often misinterpret each other’s words. You might say something, but the other person hears it completely differently. Arguments often arise from these misunderstandings. Sometimes, you believe you’ve communicated clearly, but the other person reacts in a way you didn’t expect. Why? Because they hear your words through their own value system, which you may not have accounted for.
For instance, one person might value directness, while another prefers tact. One might seek support, while the other might need honest criticism. If we don’t recognize these differences, communication can easily lead to conflict. Small misunderstandings can lead to years of frustration, and large ones can result in major issues, both in personal and professional settings.
This happens daily:
When a parent can’t understand why their child won’t follow the "right" path (as they see it).
When a manager struggles to communicate expectations clearly to their team.
When one partner says something, but the other person hears it in an entirely different way.
And sometimes, we don't even understand ourselves. We may think we know what we want, only to later feel disappointed or confused by our own decisions.
How to Start Working with the Value Matrix
Let’s try a simple exercise to help you identify your values.
Step 1: Write down 50 values that are important to you. Take your time. Think about what gives you energy, what inspires you, what makes you feel alive. Just write them down without worrying about order. These might include things like love, respect, freedom, and more.
Step 2: After you’ve finished, close your notebook.
Step 3: Reflect on the list during your day. Did anything else come to mind—perhaps relationships or dreams you hadn’t thought of? Add those too.
Step 4: The next day, read through your list and narrow it down to your top 10 core values—those that are non-negotiable for you.
This exercise will help you identify your “non-negotiable zone”—the values you absolutely cannot compromise on. For example, if family is a core value for you, and your partner doesn’t feel the same way, trying to make that work will likely lead to frustration.
Core vs. Operational Values
There are two types of values in the Value Matrix:
Core Values: These are the deeply ingrained, non-negotiable principles that define who you are. They were shaped in early childhood and are incredibly stable. Trying to change them is often futile.
Operational Values: These are values that arise in response to specific situations or needs. They can shift based on circumstances and are more flexible.
For example, learning English might not be a core value for someone, but if they start working at an international company, English becomes a necessary skill. It’s not a deep-seated value, but it demands attention, time, and energy.
Why Core Values Matter in Relationships
People often connect over operational values—shared hobbies, work interests, or even lifestyle choices. These connections can feel strong initially, but for long-term relationships, shared core values are crucial. Relationships—whether personal or professional—require growth and development. If the core values of two people diverge, conflict is inevitable.
Do Our Values Change?
The Value Matrix is dynamic. Our values evolve with time, experience, and external circumstances. What mattered to you in the past may no longer hold the same significance today. You might have once prioritized a prestigious career but later found that stability and freedom were more important.
Understanding how your values shift is key to understanding yourself and others. The more you embrace the changes in your value system, the more adaptable and open you’ll be in communication.
How to Grasp This Dynamic?
Values are flexible and must be constantly reevaluated and adjusted. This is a process of understanding how you balance your inner aspirations with external expectations. It also involves recognizing when your values become barriers to adaptive communication—like when you resist change or avoid embracing new perspectives.
The Importance of Value Dynamics
The world is constantly evolving, and so are our values. The generational gap is a clear example: children often don’t understand their parents' values, and vice versa. Similarly, in the workplace, what was once valued may no longer hold the same weight.
If you don’t adapt to the dynamics of the Value Matrix, communication breakdowns will occur. This is why understanding the flexibility of your values is essential.
Awareness in Communication
The most crucial step in mastering the Value Matrix is awareness. Becoming aware of how values shape your communication with others—and with yourself—is essential to improving your relationships. By identifying what supports you and what holds you back, you can make more conscious choices.
To do this, you can revisit the value exercise and create a simple chart of your values’ significance and realization. This will help you identify the values that are working for you and those that might be causing internal conflict or stagnation.
Final Thoughts
By using the Value Matrix, you can gain a deeper understanding of your own values and how they impact your relationships. You’ll be able to see where there’s potential for growth, where conflict arises, and where alignment occurs. This framework isn’t just for personal relationships—it’s a tool that can improve your communication in all aspects of life.
Fill in your Value Matrix. Track how your values evolve. Whether you’re navigating personal relationships, professional partnerships, or self-discovery, the insights you gain will help you communicate more effectively and create a more fulfilling life.
