- Drone on with a long period of announcements, and stories of what your week was like, especially announcements that would not be understood by guests. Have you ever heard of a church bulletin?
- Read a large number of prayer requests and allow people to share all of the gory details from the floor of the worship service, preferably without a microphone so that most people can’t hear what is being said.
- Don’t trim the trees and hedges, paint the building, take the bugs out of the light fixtures, clean the carpets, repair the leaks, replace burned-out light bulbs, etc. . . it’s just church!
- Keep the music on par with the average rock concert. Get rid of all the old Hymns! – don’t expect excellence and don’t get exposure to people who might be better than your musicians and/or vocalists. And make sure to sing the same songs every week.
- Have a low level of expectation for members . . . they will live right down to them.
- Do everything at the last moment – don’t plan, think ahead, prepare, etc. Even better, spiritualize your lack of preparation by calling it “being open to the Holy Spirit”.
- Don’t invest in advertising or publicity (someone just might come if you did that and they might sit in your seat).
- Take forever to make decisions . . . if you wait long enough the need to act might go away.
- Defer maintenance on the building . . . it only has to last as long as we live, right!?
- Don’t keep the church clean. Let kids eat candy in the sanctuary and leave the wrappers behind. Let people leave their junk all over the church. Also, be sure to never mention to parents to clean up after their kids.
- Don’t engage in any continuing education for the laity. If it was good enough for us then it should be good enough for everyone else.
- Don’t start on time, if you don’t put a priority on being on time neither will your members. Staff members being late is the best way to lose the respect of the congregation.
Bonus*** Never have your staff critique your preaching. You are so good that you have no room for improvement.
