Buddy Walker's Swamp Creature Of The Week: Distortus shaggasheepus

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Commonly known as the "Woolly Liar"

Distortus shaggasheepus

Commonly known as the "Woolly Liar"

Universally recognized as the most gifted deceiver in the swamp, Distortus shaggasheepus can turn the answer to any question into a diatribe supporting its own political agenda. It is one of the most intelligent creatures in the DC Swamp and has obtained great prominence due to its inherent ability to look someone directly in the eye and argue that up is down, black is white, fire will not burn us and water is not wet. It does this with such dexterity and skill as to make anyone listening feel like an absolute moron if they do not agree.

Field research has yet to record a time when the Woolly Liar has actually answered a question. Instead it combines a specialized staccato verbalization with a highly evolved sense of counterfeit logic to argue any point without ever confronting reality. Scientists refer to this behavior as Lying.

Here is an example of Distortus shaggasheepus at work....

Q: Have you noticed the pretty blue sky today?

A: I have noticed that the sky is not nearly as blue as it once was due to the efforts of the Extremist Tea Party and Alt Right Republicans supported by this Science Denying President.

Q: Have you even looked at the sky today?

A: I think that the better question here is how much longer any of us will be able to see the sky after the Polar Ice Caps melt and we are all under water and children, old people, immigrants, minorities and LGBTQ people will have all drowned because of the racist and irresponsible actions of this administration.

Warning: Do not look into the eyes of this creature while it is speaking or you may forget what planet you are even on.

Buddy Walker
buddysays.net

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