The following views are not necessarily those of the staff, management, or ownership of this station. The editorial author takes full responsibility for the views expressed and admits that the movement has not yet achieved sufficient political power to demand of all media outlets the ideal degree of ideological agreement. We are, however, working on that.
A Public Service Editorial
Thinkers Anonymous, a Program That Can Save Your Progressive Life and Reputation
Billy Joe was a life-long Progressive, and you need to appreciate his heroic struggle. His story is typical of many who have lost their way but have fought, with the help of others, to find it again. His real name is Liam Davis, a child of an elite Progressive family from California, but we will call him Billy Joe to protect his identity, for we take privacy issues as seriously as Mark Zuckerberg does. At any rate, Billy’s courageous fight against uncontrolled thinking offers hope to those who feel trapped by their addiction, those who can see for themselves no future but to wander hopelessly in an intellectually induced euphoria, staggering aimlessly from idea to idea, their only goal having something else to think. This is no way to live. A program sponsored by the Democratic Party helped Billy Joe. That program can help all addictive thinkers. It can help you.
But before learning more about Billy Joe, let’s understand this addiction and learn how it affects your friends and family—maybe, even you. Heavy thinking is a frightening illness. It changes personalities dramatically, turning politically correct people you once felt comfortable with into strangers who advocate triggering ideas, such as freedom of speech and religion, and even Second Amendment gun rights. And it starts with just one idea. For example, one might start by entertaining the radical notion that the U.S. should control immigration and secure its borders. But one idea leads to another and then another. Soon, one might then agree that local governments should not allow the homeless to use the public sidewalks as latrines and to camp outside commercial businesses and private citizens’ homes. One might actually begin thinking that this popular Progressive solution fails to serve the homeless and the health of the community. This is a real threat that can affect the members of devoted Progressive families and even the loyalties of established Progressive activists. Tragically, once thinking has gained a foothold in a person’s mind, the victim soon becomes tangled in a dizzying web of propositions and inferences that—day by day—lead relentlessly to the catastrophic brink of reasoning. Once this happens, the heartbreaking conclusion is imminent—unless the addictive thinker gets professional help.
But even with help, the road to recovery is not an easy one. Each day, the recovering thinker must struggle with his thoughts. He will know times when all he really seems to want is to think. And the slightest hint of a concept might trigger a relapse. For example, he might discover that he can no longer believe the Democrats’ claim that they never really wanted to impeach President Trump but were forced to do it. His thoughts nag at him, telling him that this claim is false. His thoughts will not allow him to ignore the readily available written and video evidence that disproves the Democratic claim—much of that evidence dating from before Trump’s inauguration. His thinking has damaged his ability to filter out facts that contradict the desired narrative. In his weakened condition, the thinking addict’s response to the contradiction might prove just enough to push him over the brink. Days later, when he begins to realize fully what he has done, he might find himself sitting alone on a park bench—still thinking shamelessly about the contradiction he hasn’t been able to resolve! The results of this might prove irreversible. We have documented cases of Progressive Democrats who, after a prolonged thinking binge, have registered as Republicans. But don’t blame the victims. This seems to be the inevitable course of the thinking malady, and the growth of this addiction has become a national concern.
Billy Joe’s story is typical. Though a Progressive from childhood, Billy had developed his thinking addiction some years ago. He even held a responsible job, managing to hide his addiction from his employer, CNN. But Billy Joe was forced to face his addiction problem after his supervisor discovered him thinking secretly on his job as a CNN news editor. Though he had been subjected to month after month of anti-Trump conditioning and propaganda, which CNN had aired incessantly, Billy Joe had actually begun to question whether Trump’s impeachment was really justified by the evidence. He couldn’t help himself. Moreover, he was beginning to doubt the veracity and motives of House Democrats and even of CNN administrators and journalists. He had begun thinking that due process, after all, was not a bad idea. He had even concluded that Hunter Biden had probably acted unethically in his Ukraine and China business dealings. When CNN found out, the news media giant fired him—immediately.
Now realizing what his thinking had cost him, Billy Joe fought to regain control over his life. So he enrolled in Thinkers Anonymous, a program originally established by the Democratic National Committee to cultivate local, state, and national political candidates for the Democratic Party. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was one of its honors graduates. That’s all Billy Joe needed to know, so he joined the program determined to beat his thinking addiction. He made good progress, too, reaching a full ninety days completely thought free. He even learned to show selective outrage on cue, to speak mindless talking points with conviction, and to argue that $52 trillion was a bargain price tag for Medicare for all. The training was so effective that even technological impossibilities ceased to bother him. For example, he now looked forward to taking the train from California to Hawaii, once Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Green New Deal had eliminated air travel. Prior to Thinkers Anonymous, this idea had bothered Billy Joe. But after his training, Billy could now clearly see the sense that AOC’s environmental proposals made. His only criticism now was the use of the train. Couldn’t an electric bus take vacationers to Hawaii just as easily? So Billy Joe was beginning to feel whole again, woke again. He was even able to publish a picture of Rep. Adam Schiff on his Twitter account with the caption, “An Honest American Statesman.” This didn’t cause him the slightest twinge of intellectual whiplash.
Impressed by his recovery, CNN actually promised to rehire Billy Joe on the condition that he would solemnly pledge to give up thinking altogether and to volunteer at MSNBC’s weekly “Trump Impeachment Support Group,” which CNN supported at its fellow network as a “Progressives Helping Progressives” community outreach. Billy Joe would simply have to make the coffee and to pledge consistent use of preferred gender pronouns. But Billy threw away this liberal offer by making a single mistake. One day, just before he was to return to his former job, he accidentally ran into an old friend from the early days of his addiction. Together, they had spent many an evening utterly lost in thought.
His old thinking Buddy knew Billy Joe’s weaknesses, and so he just scoffed. “You’ll always be a thinker, Billy,” he said, as he held out to him The Complete Federalist Papers. “I’ve got some of the best vintage thoughts here, and I’ll share with you. Read what Alexander Hamilton said about impeachment. Over two centuries ago, he warned that corrupt legislators might use the power of impeachment as a political gambit to overturn elections and appointments. Read essays # 65 and #66 for yourself. I bet you’ll have questions. So come on, BJ. Let’s just sit here for a while and think about old times together.”
Billy took the bait. Soon he was on a thinking binge—thinking thoughts he had never thought before. Why did the unconfirmed Dossier on Trump get FISA Court approval? How could Christopher Steele continue to work indirectly with the FBI after having been discredited for leaking to the press? How did Democrat opposition research become the basis for spying on Trump during and after the election? Why doesn’t the House vote formally for impeachment and make the process transparent? The questions simply never stopped. A week later, he awoke at the door of the Democratic National Committee, feeling empty of ideas and searching for the answers to his questions. With a relentless and merciless thirst for both, his thinking addiction prodded him forward. Shamelessly, he again gave in to his longings and tried to enter the building to find what he desperately needed—something to think, something that made sense.
Fortunately, for Billy, the DNC was closed for the night. The doors were bolted, and the security system was on. Unknown to Billy at that moment, his next fateful decision would abruptly end his thinking binge and fortunately save him from reason. What did he do? Unable to control himself, he smashed a window and crawled into the building. He found the DNC archive. Going through mounds of archive materials, Billy discovered to his horror that there was nothing in the DNC to think. Even the research library contained only “bumper sticker” audiobooks, such as the best-selling, political-strategy audiobook, Don’t Argue a Case, Just Scream, “You Racist Bigot.” He also found uncountable, unopened audio discs containing Hillary Clinton’s, What Happened. There was little else there. Billy could find nothing to feed his cravings. All the really good ideas in the Democratic Party had been thought decades ago by previous generations of Democrats. In the effort to recreate the Party’s image for the 21st century, the new generation of Democrats had sworn off the dangerous habit of thinking. Even Democratic fossils, such as Speaker Nancy Pelosi, advised fellow legislators to pass--not to read--legislative bills in order to see what was in them. After all, reading only tempted people to think, and who needs that. It’s simply too risky. Consequently, the DNC had ordered all the historic ideas of Roosevelt, Humphrey, Kennedy, and Stevenson to the shredder. In their place, they filled the library shelves with ideological junk food in audio and video format. So Billy’s act of vandalism had proved useless; he would find no new ideas in this place, just propaganda. He would find nothing to satisfy him—nothing at all. Standing alone in that building with the alarm blaring, Billy Joe realized that he had finally reached bottom. At last, he had completely run out of things to think.
He was grateful when the police arrested him. It gave him a chance to come to himself, to recognize his self-destructive behavior. He had to do something to fight the thoughts that were controlling his life. He was desperate. He had this uncontrollable urge to set up “Trump: 2020” yard signs and paste “Re-Elect Trump: 2020” stickers over the Democrat stickers he saw on car bumpers. That just seemed like the thoughtful thing to do. It was horrible. Billy realized that, if he continued in this way, he would be forced to cast his vote rationally in the next election. He would have to vote for Donald Trump. He had to steady himself. What would happen were his thinking to become public knowledge? He shuddered and then shouted aloud, “Get control of yourself; it’s only my mind trying to force me to be logical!”
But Billy needed help. He couldn’t do this alone. So he called his Thinkers Anonymous sponsor, Chris Cuomo. He didn’t even think about it. He just got after it and found the courage to call. And Cuomo helped him to get the help that he needed, the same kind of help he offers to all those who view his program. And that was six months ago. Since then, Billy has continued his “thought-free” recovery successfully. Today, Billy Joe doesn’t have the faintest idea, so he will vote the Democratic ticket come November 2020. He is living proof that people can beat their addictive thinking.
So if heavy thinking has been oppressing your life, you can still find help to ignore the homeless crisis in Democrat-controlled California, the violence under Chicago’s successive Democratic administrations, the trash and rats in Baltimore and New York, and even the inability of Democratic Representatives to condemn the anti-Semitism of Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib. The Thinkers Anonymous program will make all the unpleasant facts melt away. You will learn how to vote Democrat again without uneasy thoughts and feelings—in fact, without any thoughts and feelings at all. You can have freedom from your thinking addiction, just like Billy Joe. Call Thinkers Anonymous today. We can and will help you! We know that without even thinking about it. Our Emergency Line is always open. Don’t let ideas ruin your life. Just dial: 1 - 800 - CLUELESS.
Call today! Life is just too short simply to think about it.