I honestly don’t know where I’m going with this, but here goes nothing. I feel like I need to write exactly what I’m feeling at the moment. Everyday for the last 6 months, I wonder, what’s next? Half the time, I don’t know if I’m coming or going. I feel like I’ve been on a rollercoaster ride that I can’t get off of. I tremble at the mere thought that this is my new way of life. I will never except that this is, “THE NEW NORMAL.” Okay, I was afraid in the beginning for a minute, I’d be lying if I told you I was never scared at all. I work in a hospital, so, of course it would seem logical, right??
This virus has killed so many more people than we will ever know about. People have died for no good reason. They were killed senselessly, their livelihoods were ripped apart from them, others have been murdered over a tv for God sakes but it doesn’t end there. Many have turned to alcohol, ****, I’ve been drinking more over this year to get through the stress of each day, then my entire life prior to this PLANDEMIC. Adults, teens and kids have taken their own lives as young as 11 years old because they can’t comprehend what the **** is going on around them. I’m in constant awe at what world we’re living in today. I don’t recognize anything, anymore. I’m told I have to wear a mask from my car, then sanitize and get my temperature taken just to walk into work these days. It makes me feel so uneasy. It has generated anxiety. I hate going to the grocery store, I have no desire to go to dinner or even shop for a single thing because I refuse to wear a mask. To this day, I won’t. I order just about everything possible online so I don’t need to deal with it all.
Wherever we go, all I see is a sea of people in masks. My husband and I along with maybe 2-3 others are always the only ones wading through the aisles mask free. It’s funny, when we make eye contact with those few people and we smile at each other knowing we are not sheep but lions. I want to see the faces of people. I miss seeing someone smile at me. I miss hugging people. I miss conversations with complete strangers for no apparent reason but most can’t engage because of fear mongering. Those things are almost of thing of the past now. I have family members that won’t come around or hug us because they’re afraid. To each their own, as for me, I will never live in fear, period.
It’s so incomprehensible to us that we can’t live our lives as we once did. I get it now. I understand why elderly people say things like, “I miss the good old days.” To me, it cuts like a knife. I’m literally tearing up writing this. All of the the things that were right are now wrong, the wrong is now right. Law abiding citizens are being held hostage in their own homes while criminals are being let free out into the streets. Radicals are running around burning every city down to the ground, beating the **** out of people for believing a different way, blocking freeways and mobbing others alone in their cars. Family members aren’t speaking, friends are lost and people all over the globe are divided. COMMIEFORNIA is literally on fire. This has been my home for 44 years and I can’t wait to move out of it. The sooner, the better. All my life is here but I can’t live here anymore.
I’m miserable and I know for certain it’s gonna practically kill me to leave my sons behind but I need to do this for my sanity. I’ve realized that it’s not about the size of your house, the kind of car you drive, how much money you make, the size of the diamond on your hand, the purse you wear upon your shoulder, the clothes you have on your back or the haircut you present. I want peace. I want sanctity. I want room to breathe. I want space from chaos and no close neighbors. I want to see the sunrise and sunset everyday. I want to see the clouds without obstruction. I want to be FREE AGAIN. God help us all in this cold, cruel, **** up earth we live on. We need to make real change together.
❤️ and ☮️
